Loyalty

The one where Dylan talks about the difference between loyalty and commitment

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So I said, loyalty and commitment aren't the same thing. What do I mean by that? So I heard this preacher say once the loyalty is unto God, and commitment are to people. What people mean when they say they say things like, you know, I need you to be loyal, I need you to be loyal. What they're looking for is a God that is the same yesterday, today, and forever more. Right? They're looking for a type of stability that humans can't provide. They just can't. And so when you're looking to me to be something that I can't provide, you will always be disappointed. That's why loyalty should be unto God. Because at any moment, God can tell me what to be committed to. And commitment is strong, right? Like, if you are committed to something that means that you're in it for the for the long haul, or for as long as it needs to be. But at any moment, if God tells me I need to be committed to something else, that I need to move, right, and like loyalty is built on things I was having this conversation with, with my producer, cat, and my friend Tanisha. Like we were, we were just talking about this, they're like, loyalty is built on something. Right? And so if I'm loyal to God, and being loyal to God requires me to be disloyal to you, was I actually ever disloyal? Because I had to make the choice. And the choice that we're going to make obviously, is my loyalty unto God. And to ask me to do anything other than that, is you not being loyal to me? Which is why this whole idea of me being loyal, makes absolutely no sense. Because my commitment needs to be to you but my loyalty, my undying affection, my my every move needs to be flowing through God, through my relationship with God. And if you're not a believer, this this, this podcast ain't for you. Right? Because like, you can still believe that people can provide you loyalty. But I'm willing to wager that you've never had somebody in your life who was completely loyal to you, not by your standards, mainly because the standard that you have for loyalty keeps changing. Right? It moves based on what they're doing. What do you mean by that? You might say that somebody is being loyal, is being disloyal. Because they grew. They grew up, they changed. And you call them disloyal? Because they didn't want to be in the same BS that you have been in for so long. That they they've decided that moving on was better for their lives. And so now they're disloyal. No, their commitments changed. And they should have. And so because you have a skewed understanding, or this stability that you are craving, that man can't give you you had this idea of loyalty now you heartbroken, you're upset. And now you sing songs like no new friends. Right? You're you're you're you're doing things to keep out anybody from your life, because you didn't understand what relationships were supposed to be in your life, and who you're supposed to be loyal to. Right. And we talked about this mainly because of friendships, a subject that we don't talk about often, but we should talk about more, because the commitment level of friendships is high. Which is why you can't have hundreds of friends, I don't care who you are, you probably in your life can sustain a group of maybe 10. And, and not at the same time. Right, some some of those friendships that you have, are, are less demanding than others. There are times in your life where you're closer to this, three or four people than you are to these three or four people. But the the time that you put in the effort that is necessary to do that work. You can't sustain it. For hundreds of people, it has to be less than 10. Because you have to be willing to grow with them and learn with them. Allow them to be different people and you to be a different person and find out where your commitments lie at that juncture. And how will you show up for each other? How will you be committed to each other? How do you how do you move with each other? It's It's akin to being in a romantic relationship or a marriage it literally takes that much effort but no one wants to do that. You don't want to have the the the self examination that's required to sustain good friendships. Because it's tough. Right I was I told my group, this just just a few minutes ago, that I had friends that I had before I got married female friends that I had before I got married, that I couldn't have in our marriage, because I had cultivated the relationship in such a way that I always left the door open. Right, that always left this space, that like, we're friends, I would never try anything, right? Or I didn't try anything. But you knew that if if ever the opportunity came up that it would it would be on, these aren't because of the way that I cultivated that relationship. I couldn't carry that relationship into my marriage. Because everything that I was cultivating their creative possibility, in the one thing that I can't have in a relationship of the opposite sex, while I'm married is anything that is producing possibility. That door has to be shut, and I can't maintain that relationship and just shut that door. Because that changes the very nature of that relationship. So if I was cultivating them entire time to have open doors for there to be possibility, that means that like there might have been flirting, like there might have been like, you know, little, little things that you do, you don't I'm saying that they let you know that like, if something was to go down, you would be okay with it going down, I'm okay with it going down. If I shut that down, that means reimagining the entire relationship from scratch. Because that possibility can't exist now that I'm in this seriously committed relationship that I'm calling marriage. And we're not we're not ready to have that self examination, because you're not really ready to let go of the possibilities there. That's the real issue. You can have friends who are of the opposite sex, if there aren't any possibilities. But you don't want to let those possibilities go. So you're saying oh, that's just my friend? No, no, they not. There's a there's a window that you wanted something more and you you have to be able to let that go. And then there's those other friends who who transcend that friend thing, become your your brothers and your sisters. And that's what I'm talking about, about developing and maintaining those relationships, those cultivating of those relationships. And that commitment has to come from God. Because your relationship needs to flow out of information that you are getting from God into those relationships, otherwise, they're not sustainable. They become toxic. Because there's so many requirements because they expect so much from you, and you expect so much from them. That is not sustainable, because neither one of you guys are hearing from God. This is why loyalty is unto God. Because if I'm looking for information and stability and how to navigate my life, the biggest influence is supposed to be the one who is loyal to me. And if I'm not loyal to the one who is loyal to me, then all of my commitments become toxic. They become damaging to me. Loyalty is unto God. Be willing to change your commitments if necessary. That's all I have to say about that. I'm out