So I'll say I'm doing my best to let him out. I've done a very good job at burying Dylan. It's it's the one that my mother used to call Dylan the sole fine. Who, who didn't walk? He glided. There was an air about him that you could call it arrogance that would be appropriate. I, I believed very strongly, in myself very strongly. And so here's the, here's the rub. Why is that important? Because I went through this period, when I was in college, where I had to, it felt like I had to remake myself because for the first time in my life, I come up against some personalities that were about as strong as mine. And I didn't know how to handle it. So I started to get myself small. I lost a lot. While I was in college, I lost a lot of who, who I am or what made me me, because I didn't know how to communicate very, very well about what I was feeling. And so because I was both very emotional and hyper arrogance, I lost a lot of relationships. Some things didn't necessarily go my way. I it wasn't a great time, so I decided I'll bury him. And then I'll call it faith. I will I'll bury who God has made me to be. Call it faith. I will. I will crucify, but never resurrect. See, here's the thing about the crucifixion. It's supposed to happen. You are supposed to die daily. But the other part of that is supposed to be you rising as a better version. You got to get up. But I did a good job of burying him. We're not talking about six feet deep. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We're talking about near the earth's core. It's hot. I put them down pretty far because I lost so much. I put him down so far forgot what he sounded like. And that the very sound of his voice kind of freaks me out. scares me a little bit. Like who said that? Where did that come from? There's some thoughts that run across my mind that that have me question away. Wait a minute. Do you still believe that about yourself? I thought we put that to bed. We have to be humble and meek. Not we can't offend people around us. What are you doing? Don't upset them. I've buried him deep but I'm doing my best to let them free. Because I'm I'm understanding now that it's in letting him free that I get to go to the places that only He can take me that when I'm in a room or behind this microphone that if I don't let them out. I'm only being part of myself. And who wants to just be part of themselves? Does that mean that I have to live into the arrogance and be arrogant all the time? No, no, no, no. But he was the one that allowed me to survive the things that I shouldn't have survived. Gotta let it out just a little bit. Because there there are people who think I am to be played with because I haven't let them out. You know when he comes out that I remember that he's there. There's there's a specific thing that happens that I remember. Oh, yeah, he's definitely there. Say something crazy about Sharmayne. I remember that he's there. I used to say that I come a little one done. I'm I'm a little off kilter. No, no. You're meeting a person that I tried to bury. Will you say something crazy to Sharmayne. Will you say something crazy about Sharmayne do that to me person that I really care about. See me lose myself a little bit. I'm not actually losing myself. The person you're meeting is the one that I tried to bury the person you're meeting is the one that scares me a little bit and makes people around me very uncomfortable. Not because I'm unstable but because I'm very stable. Very clear headed. That person is dangerous. That person changes things. That is the person that helps others get free. Gotta free him because to free him is to change everything. There's been so I said and I just did. I'm out
