So I Said... The Dating Dilemma: When Vibes Fade and Expectations Remain LTMH | S2. Ep.7

The one where Dylan and LTMH Host Sydnei and Morgan continue discussing dating and Dylan is overwhelmed! 

Transcript

Dylan Sellers: 0:00

So I said, I'm mad confused, right? Yes, we're starting right there. If you didn't hear the past podcast, like, you know, go back to the previous episode, because I'm here with letter to my homegirls. Her host, Sydnei and Morgan and outside is is trash, apparently. Yeah. Like they don't know which way is up and neither do I bad. Okay. So the last episode, we talked a little bit about, like consistency, right? And the importance and the things that you can know from a person based on their level of communication and how consistent that level of communication is, even in a short window, is what I'm understanding. Okay, let's say I concede this point. Okay, I don't want to, but let's say I concede this point. All right, that somehow, you can tell how interested a person is if they start off hot and go cold in like a week. And when we say cold, it just means not as hot as the first week. Right? And so it trailed off. Okay. Yeah, it goes from jalapeno to bell pepper real quick Is what you're saying? Yeah. All right. big bet. We still have pepper, but like, we were not spicy. We're not really sure.

Morgan Adrine: 1:16

Apple in a minute, you just hear for color. Just hear from color. Okay,

Dylan Sellers: 1:19

so what part does your like? Because the consistent question that I had is like, where you're meeting these people? Like what part of your like, how, what role does your community play? And something like this? So like, you're talking to this guy? Who knows that you're talking to this guy? Is this a? Because we're only in the talking stage when he got to boyfriend girlfriend like, we only two weeks we met this guy, and we're talking to him, right? So like, what role does your communities play in this? Are we having conversations with your community about

Morgan Adrine: 1:53

I do my community is big, because even though it's only been, what a week, two weeks, three weeks, however long, I know if you're somebody that I want to continue to put my invest my time into. So because I know that you're someone I want to continue things with my closest friends, no, I'm probably starting to have conversations with my mom like it is it's guy that im feelin. And we've been a couple days, blah, blah. So my community does play a role. Now, they might not necessarily have met you yet. But they may know small things about you.

Sydeni Sellers: 2:22

For me, the first week, maybe two people know because I'm still trying to figure it out where I may not even like you like that, or whatever. And we just tried to test the waters, I'll see where it's gonna go. But towards like the second or third week, if everything is going well, then I'll probably still rely on my closest closest friends, right. But I don't really involve a whole lot of people or community with my dating.

Dylan Sellers: 2:57

I' m following that. I think that like that's, it's interesting, because while you're talking about marriage, right, marriage is like the first building block to community. Right? It's one of those things that make people family. Right, right, like and so like, you build families based on that, and you build communities based on families, that kind of thing. And so like, we have talked about, like, love and relationships as like a very private thing when parts of it is but it is essential to community. Right. That makes sense. Yeah. And so like, I'm, I'm confused about like, so let me ask this question. Right. So because you're in a baked me, let me Yeah, I don't know. I'm sure by the end of this episode, I will be right. But like, I'm definitely baked. I'm on my way. So let's say scenario, started out hot. Right? And I go, coldish. I go from texting you every day. Right? Once you give me your phone number I'm texting or calling, checking in every day, then I gotta like three days, two days, that week, and I don't schedule a date. Right? But then the following week, I pick back up again. What does that say?

Morgan Adrine: 4:28

I don't really base too much off of it.

Dylan Sellers: 4:30

Do we not even get to that third week because my second week was too cold when

Morgan Adrine: 4:34

you get to that third week with me but I'm already on the hot seat with you. You already see me you Sydnei your head is gone

Dylan Sellers: 4:44

I'm already on the hot seat so you skeptical no I will

Morgan Adrine: 4:47

give you grace now you ain't got to pull out no tricks. But I the when I do talk to you that every other day I'm gonna ask you like so how's your day? What's been going on? Like I'm adding you. I'm asking you these leading questions to kind of see what's going on. Oh, no one in your life and why you kind of fell off your chair?

Sydeni Sellers: 5:04

I think you know what, for me? Oh, no, I think to be to be completely honest, it really goes off of how I feel about this person. Okay, I'm just gonna be honest. Okay.

Dylan Sellers: 5:15

Um, so if so, so let's say I'm cute and God fearing. And I like, you no, kids.

Morgan Adrine: 5:21

Listen, we don't even molding? Um,

Dylan Sellers: 5:26

so it depends on the package that I show up in.

Sydeni Sellers: 5:29

No. So no, for me, I think it because all of that would have been established before you went cold right there. So if this was not established before you went cold? Are you out of here? Because I mean, I don't see it. There's no value in me waiting until you get back warm to know. But I think if that was established and identify and I find a level of interest in you, then I will consider a another opportunity.

Morgan Adrine: 6:00

And that's why I appreciate what you said about discernment. Because that's how it is for me, like I'm big on discernment. I'm gonna use my intuition and my gut like, how do you make me feel right? And that week? Have you kind of do I get a good feeling off you? Or do I feel like oh, maybe he might be a little sneaky. You know what

Dylan Sellers: 6:14

that was Carry, you texting? And he's not responding. So like, is the is the temperature of the relationship completely dependent on the guy?

Morgan Adrine: 6:24

No, it's dependent on me also, but I can say that if I'm texting

Dylan Sellers: 6:27

Sydnei's face said, No, Sydnei, you know, yall in completely

Morgan Adrine: 6:33

different places. But let me say this, if I'm texting you, and you're not responding for hours, but I look on Instagram, and I see that you just posted something.

Dylan Sellers: 6:43

I have to think about what to text you back.

Morgan Adrine: 6:46

I feel like if the connection is there, you should not think like, I don't know. Okay,

Dylan Sellers: 6:50

so you don't know how men's minds work?

Sydeni Sellers: 6:53

And you know, what, if you

Morgan Adrine: 6:54

could be on Instagram, but you can't text me back? That's a problem.

Dylan Sellers: 6:57

Why? No, I don't have to think it's hard to be on Instagram.

Sydeni Sellers: 6:59

But that's one thing that I'm accepting, okay, that you guys operate on a different? Well, I will say is that no, the burden is not on the guy to Text. I'm working through something. This is a transparent space. So I'm going to share a safe space. It's safe, and it's a transparent space. So I am working through the idea of double texting. I know. I know. I know. I know. I am not a double text. I

Dylan Sellers: 7:31

don't like wait, what is double texting? Oh,

Sydeni Sellers: 7:33

if I send a message,

Morgan Adrine: 7:35

obviously you don't double text males because girl, we'd be double, triple quadruple. Okay.

Sydeni Sellers: 7:39

Well, in this scenario, we don't

Dylan Sellers: 7:41

know what is double text. Okay, so

Sydeni Sellers: 7:43

if I text you, and you don't text me back, I'm going to wait until you respond to my text. I'm not going to text you and actually want to respond. Or like, I'm not going to text you after I didn't know that receiver. But in some cases, like that's partially

Morgan Adrine: 7:57

an ego thing.

Unknown: 8:00

Could be people, people do double tax and some people is like, Well, why don't you want to? But that's something that I just I feel like if you had time to answer the first day, he was gonna answer that Text. Text. He's saying the first thing you know, so I'm not necessarily a double texter. But I won't put the burden of conversation on the other person. So if it goes days or a day, and I'm interested, obviously, I'm thinking about this person. If you're on my mind, I'm gonna reach out. Now you don't text me back. I thought I reached out, you know, where you go. You know, yeah, and

Morgan Adrine: 8:39

no sort of allocation plays involved. Because again, if I see it, okay, you could be busy. And I don't hear from you for four hours. But that's where you should be grown enough to communicate. Say, Hey, I'm sorry. I've been busy. What are you?

Dylan Sellers: 8:50

I don't owe you that after a week. Not at all that you do. No, no, absolutely not. Absolutely not on all you got to tell you my question. Oh, I've been busy. So. Okay.

Sydeni Sellers: 9:03

At what point my question is, at what point do you owe Do you owe explanation for your absence? Or your presence? Not

Dylan Sellers: 9:11

after two weeks? No, I'm saying at what point after we've gotten serious there's been some like, do we have titles? Well, we're only dating. You know me. So like, if you're telling me that the relationship is such that we're just getting to know each other? I don't owe you anything at that point. But

Morgan Adrine: 9:28

it should be a common courtesy that if I heard no since nine o'clock in the morning, and it's 730 at night, that's something

Dylan Sellers: 9:35

that's something that my wife can say to me. You can't say that to me. I heard from you since I don't

Morgan Adrine: 9:41

know I say it now but I feel like it should be a human courtesy my bed I've been busy What do you

Dylan Sellers: 9:47

you don't expect that from your friend? But I do

Sydeni Sellers: 9:49

but you know, but you know sometimes it's hard to see you know something that's interesting

Dylan Sellers: 9:53

if you that you have texted me right and I hear you I'm let you get it right because like this topic Yeah, like Hatake if you have a like it, we're friends. And you have been texting me, right? And we were in the middle of a text conversation, right? And then I dropped off because we were in the middle of a text conversation. The next time I come in, Oh, my bad XYZ was happening, but this was going on like, or I'm replying to her message. That's common courtesy, right? But if me, you text good morning And the conversation is over. And then you don't hear from me again, till like six, I don't owe you an explanation on why you hear from me. If you don't hear from me until the next day, I don't owe you an explanation. There's nothing tying us there.

Morgan Adrine: 10:33

But what you just said is if we have no conversation, and all of a sudden, I don't know, hear from you for a couple of days.

Dylan Sellers: 10:39

Right. So like, this is the level of responsibility that exists in this space is bonkers.

Sydeni Sellers: 10:51

So I have a question. Okay. My question would be, does the level of interest matter and consistency of communication when it comes to guys? Yes. So would you?

Dylan Sellers: 11:08

Yes. Would you? Go ahead.

Sydeni Sellers: 11:11

If you were interested in someone, you would be interested in them enough to see how they were throughout their day? Not throughout the day?

Dylan Sellers: 11:23

And no point? Sometimes like it would, it would honestly depend on what was going on. But I don't owe you that. Right. Like the implication here. Is that like, I owe that to prove my interest. Right. But the truth is, is not going the other way. Right? So like, you're not I don't know if you're interested in me, either. And so like my interest for you could be at a place, but you're waiting for me to prove that interest to you. Before you feel safe enough to prove it to me. Let's see. I'm not glad

Sydeni Sellers: 12:00

no. Yeah, so I don't this not this. So the responsibility of the here.

Dylan Sellers: 12:06

This isn't such a different conference.

Sydeni Sellers: 12:10

We're not just waiting for somebody to say Oh, I like you right before I say I like you know if I like you before you tell me you like me. I'm gonna tell you that I like you. Right, yeah. Okay, so if we have

Dylan Sellers: 12:23

all of this happening in like, week one or two,

Morgan Adrine: 12:26

because we're very intentional with our time

Sydeni Sellers: 12:28

you can so my thing is, you know, you can know you and uh, you also have to, you have to one thing I always say is know your audience, men and women alike. You know very well if you are approaching a woman who is a serial dater, and she out here kicking it, you know the vibes you know very well for you approaching to dude who's a serial dater, and he just out here kicking it, you know, the vibes. So if you know, I'm a woman, that I don't go on a whole lot of dates, and I don't entertain a whole lot of people, when you get over here acts accordingly. When you get your legs over here. You know what the expectation is? You got to know your audience, you can't come over here and just assume that you ought to just be in kiddie land where you know we at Cedar Point because we coasters, them, okay. Yeah, so I think it's a it's a level of like a maturity, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm always very transparent with the fact that everybody doesn't have my same mentality as it relates to dating. There are women out here who have very short tolerances, they accept and respect the fact that you probably got three or four girls and I probably got three or four dudes and I'm texting and talking to, I'm very honest with that's not the case with me. If I like you, I like you. Also, with respect, that's something I have to identify myself. Dating is just dating. So if my emotions supersede what's really going on, that yo fault sis so now I gotta have some talks with myself, you know, like you put you put in too many expectations on this young man, right? Let's go have a conversation. And

Dylan Sellers: 14:05

this is no, I'm saying this is all I'm saying.

Sydeni Sellers: 14:09

We do. So we're not I'm not out here. Just saying. This. This this like I self correct. So I've checked all the time. If I feel like I'm getting a little too hot, I double back and I'm a person that does not vocally harass people. Okay, I won't say Why weren't you texting me? So what happened? Are you okay? Did you bump your head? Where have you been? No, wait, he want to come around. He'll come around. If I'm available, I'll be accessible. If not, then I won't. And I just operate like that.

Morgan Adrine: 14:36

I don't know if he's the last part where everything is she helped me. What was that? If I'm available? I'm accessible, but

Sydeni Sellers: 14:42

Well, yeah, no, I'm saying to him if if if he comes back and I'm available, or I'm accessible, then we can rekindle if not, then I won't. Like if the opportunity presents itself then here we are. If not,

Dylan Sellers: 14:54

then it's I'm very excited about your podcast. Yes, because I This is the type of energy whether I'm there or not, because clearly y'all on two different so the conversation between the two of y'all is, is what I'm so excited about, like sharing with the world, which is why we put the kinds of resources that we can to help make this happen. Because like, this is wild, bro. Like this is and you know, I, I watch Instagram too. And like, I stay out of the relationship conversations on purpose. Because like, none of it makes sense. Because like, there's so many expectations and underlying conversations and things that like people are saying, but they're not saying yeah, so puzzle that you got to put together. And it shouldn't be in relation. But it's, it is but it ain't right like because a lot of that falls apart when it's just you and that individual right, you know what I'm saying? Like there's there's very few hard and fast rules that like exist as a principle. Right, and I'm saying I think that this is a good place to wrap it. I'm very excited all here with letter to my home girl host Sydnei and Morgan. It's gonna be a very hot summer as you can see. podcast is dropping this summer. Let the people know how they can connect with you.

Morgan Adrine: 16:19

You can find me on Instagram at msmo. Marie or go to live to be more.com to read my blog.

Sydeni Sellers: 16:26

Yep, yep. And you can find me on Instagram at Sydnei. Jazmaire.

Unknown: 16:30

Well, this has been so i said with Dylan. I just did what they just did completely bake my noodle. We I know. I'm fine now.